Monday, May 1
all is lost, so dont look back.
been thinking quite abit over the past 2 days. staying home makes people bored, paranoid and irritable.
met per and aaronn at the prata house last night. it somehow brought back and evoked some weird emotions. for one thing, i seriously need to buck up and pursue what i really what. reality sucks, but yes, the a's are coming and it's a make or break.
then it came down to the topic of friendships. i clearly remember being very happy in feb and maybe untill march. but things kinda died for me towards the end of march and april. maybe it's because of hockey (well dont be mistaken, i love hockey). maybe hockey has left me so tired and robbed me of time to socialise. maybe it's me, or it could be the people around me. well, i guess it's a mix of all the jumbled up reasons that in the end led to this vibe i'm getting now.
talking to jun yesterday for that short moment made me feel as if i've disconnected with the world. i havent met her since forever, i miss lydiahang and samfok. havent met mal, mabel, michelle, char,yen, ced for months. havent been out with monique for damn long, havent been in touched (not a matter of choice) with my primary school mates for eons. and even the sean, drew, aaronn,per, jp, jul, yuan, alicia group. i just kinda drifted; floated away.
i think i'm losing grip of those things that matters to me.
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i guess thats why they say that u gain some, u lose some.
well, i did find certain things along the way. like there's jx, jun, eve, jing .... but the others dropped like flies.
i hate to admit it, but maybe my mum's right. as you grow older, you may know more people, but you'll have less friends. i remember fighting with my mum since i was young over this. she was not too optimistic over the whole concept of friends while i stood by my wilful belief in "friends forever".
i like my friends. i do, i like my classmates, i like my teammates. but the bond, the sweet understanding, connection we used to share is not as strong as before. i cant help but think of the wireless connection problem that i'm helping my solve now. yes, it's as if the signal status is weak or very low now.
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i'm shutting my eyes and clasping my hands together. i'm praying that things will get better. i hope things do get better soon.
but maybe it's just a me thing. good things tend to expire for me. they seldom last.
sad but true, i guess this is the life for me.
but for those that remain, thank you. and please hold on and give it a second chance.