Sunday, October 23
now that i've read someone's blog. i just have to add another entry. 2 entries in a day! whao.
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in her eyes, i'm always wrong.
and my words are worthless
it got me thinking again. i'm wondering if she's worth the pain.
like we've been friends for years, since like what... p4?
and then things got better, we became best friends. throughout all these years, we no doubt have our fair share of misunderstandings, quarrels and what have you.
untill now.. i guess distance proved that our bond aint that strong after all.
i remember crying myself silly last year after my o's over her nonchalance and her coldness towards "us". i cast away all pride and contacted her a million times and she played cool and didnt care. so much for best friends
then things got well and we were contacting again. sometime this year, we got back and i still clearly remember how elated i was to receive her call that night. i was at the class chalet. cycling behind chunhuat, i had my phone balanced btwn my shoulder and ear. she was upset, and she called me. i felt happy, not because of her misfortune, but because she called me to pour her woes. me.
and then there were more quarrels, and this time. it was because of rumors she heard, gossips her friends told her. okay. i no doubt changed a fair bit throughout the course of this year and achknowledge that my actions had misled them to think the way those friends of hers did. but all they saw was the surface, and i do not expect her friends to understand. but i expected her to. at least her.
she judged me. questioned me. i felt like a criminal being put on the stand that night. that night we talked. but things did not get better. she had already developed an impression that had dwelled too deep within her. there was nothing i could do to change it.
then her birthday came. as a group, we celebrated for her. to others around us, they thought things between us were cool. that everything was alright. but i know, i felt it. it was not. and it proved to be true after that
since then, we have yet to be in touched. i know not of what's gg on in her life. yet she hears bits and pieces of rumors/gossips about me, and of course. she's judging again. but doesnt she know the fact that rumors are things that are blown-out of proportions? i wish they would just mind their own business and not mine.
i've said sorry once. but i'm not sorry now. cause i did nothing. stories from her friends will never end, and it's her who chose to believe it wholly, and undermine me totally.
all you see is always the wrong i've done to you. and i've always overlooked the wrong done on me. but now, i cant help resurfacing all those dark times again. you've been taking me for granted, and i'm not going to let it happen again.