Thursday, March 8
Small and alone.
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been binging on fantastic chocolate cakes from the restaurants along lygon. i love walking down lygon street. browsing pass the cakes and sweets on display, breathing in the waft of fresh cooked food, the endless chatter, the bright colours.. all these and more are just so captivating that i just want to walk up and down those streets everynight.
the thought of being small and alone in such a vibrant city scares me sometimes. i'm just a nobody, i know no one. my existance seems rather insignificant.
but yet as i wake up from my bed everymorning, as i drag my weary feet to school, i feel that the day ahead will be alright because i have a guardian angel. this angel who is far back in singapore, still waiting and watching over me.
but you see, being an angel implies that she has wings. wings that will allow her to take flight when she fancies.
maybe i should clip her wings.
but why hold someone down if she does indeed have the desire to fly?
just so happens that i'm live by the notion that we should not disclose the inner feelings to the other, one should not dictate the actions and behaviour of the other. because i believe that everything is a choice. and when a particular choice is being made, he/she embarks on that choice without any influence and interferences, and hence.. the choice that was made was based on his/her true emotions and thoughts and therefore reveals their true intention.
that being said, its hard to respect that right and choice, especially when it affects you on a personal level and go against your hopes and expectations.
and thats something i've got to learn on my part. to be gracious and accomodating. i keep reminding myself that, but somehow i'm still not learning.
ching says my monthly is coming and thats why i'm on a chocolate hunt, and i think she's right. i'm feeling rather clumsy with my emotions this night.
it's 1230 and i think i should allow my mind to rest. good night world. good night my angel.
good night.