Sunday, September 2
On yourself, and no one else.
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i think i have learnt it the hard way, that at the end of the day, despite what others may say, i am really out on my own and i should not depend on anyone.
truthfully, i am guilty of over-dependency and it has gotten me a little cranky over the years.
the outbreaks of anger, sadness, hysterical crying, suicidal thoughts and whats not.. was indeed getting out of hand a couple of weeks ago.
such extremities were solely resulted from the simple fact that i have been over dependent on others and hence when they leave or disappear, i am momentarily stripped of sanity and go berserk.
what made matters worse was how i led my life entirely for others. like the only value i recognised in myself was how others valued me. and it drove me crazy when people took me for granted because i felt as if i was taken for a ride.
but i am no doubt guilty of having taken things for granted as well. i am no angel myself. and what adds to it is how i subconsciously expect the to be of the same priority in their life like how i placed them to be? and expect them to make sacrifices for me as well like how i would for them. i have been sucked in by the thought that as long as they do do it, regardless of the extend and level of it, it will be alright by me.
however, that thought itself was flawed. simply because we should never expect anything out of anyone because they are not liable to you, me or anyone else.
one should give willingly, and not expect anything in return.
but that being said, i have decided to keep more of myself, for myself
all this and more... i have learnt in a day.
